


Silver Lining

by Fulcrumisthebomb



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Genre: Fluffy Angst, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, angsty fluff, mild turtlecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 16:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fulcrumisthebomb/pseuds/Fulcrumisthebomb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Splinter passes, each of the brothers deal with their grief differently- except Leo doesn't seem to be dealing with it at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silver Lining

Something was wrong with Leo.

Not that there wasn't something wrong with all of us; the first week after our father's peaceful death had been spent mostly in shock, functioning like automatons through the motions of the day. Train, eat, sleep. Train, eat, sleep. We were numb, even though it hadn't been a surprise, even though Splinter had had time to say goodbye to each of us individually, even though he had passed over surrounded by family and love.

The second week, our emotional floodgates had worn away. Mikey's eyes were perpetually red from crying, and every time he curled up in Raph or I's lap, we joined in his misery. Raph proposed the idea of building a shrine to our father's memory, which was an excellent venue for him to vent his frustration and sorrow with hard labour. I helped when my energy would peak, his cheeks darkening when I praised him for his incentive. I was mostly exhausted and slept most of the time out on the couch, as I hadn't really rested the last week father was alive, simultaneously trying to ease his pain and glean every last moment with him I could. By the end of that week, even I could tell we were already on our way to normalcy again.

But Leo wasn't walking that healing path with us, and I began to truly worry by the third week since father's passing. He had held Mikey gently through his sobbing, he'd made extra runs to the dump to find enough bricks for Raph to work with, and I often awoke from my impromptu naps to his soft smile and a plate of food. But there had been no tears from him, no verbal acknowledgement of the change in our lives. When he wasn't tending to one of us, Leo was silent and withdrawn.

His condition began to erode my returning balance, and tonight I resolved to talk with him- or better yet, have him talk _to_ me. Raph and Mikey had fallen asleep beside me on the couch- none of us but Leo seemed willing to sleep alone yet- and I reluctantly extracted myself from the warm pile. Raph stirred briefly, but I soothed him back to sleep with a hand on his forehead before I snuck upstairs. The strip beneath Leo's door was dark, so I was overly cautious when stepping in.

"D-Donnie?"

Leo's voice was thick with pain, though I could tell he was making an effort to sound normal. I rushed forward in the near darkness, pawing along his bed until I found him curled in a ball at the far edge. Gently I slid to sit beside him, finding his skin slick with tears when I touched his face.

"Leo," I sighed his name, "you don't have to do this alone. None of us do."

"...It's different," Leo replied hesitantly. I shook my head, tilting him closer to envelop him in a tight hug.

"No, Leo. We all feel the same grief, and only together we can overcome it."

"I _can't,_ " Leo snapped vehemently, and I recoiled slightly. "I'm the leader, I'm supposed to stay _strong,_ I can- I can do this."

"Don't give me that crap," I snorted, shaking him once. "You know what true strength is, and this is _not_ it."

His pause told me he knew I was right, but he stubbornly continued. "I have to stay strong for the rest of you."

"And you're hurting us more than helping," I retorted sharply. He started at my tone and I smoothed a hand down his arm in apology. "You're not _just_ our leader, Leo. You're our brother, and we need you as our brother now more than ever. We need to see you share our grief. We need to see you as more than a calculating, neutral third party in all this."

"I've already failed," Leo whispered, and I pulled his head down to my shoulder as his first sobs wracked his body. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Donnie, I can't take care of you all by myself! What- What happens when Raph and I get in a really bad fight again? What happens when M-Mikey won't focus and listen? And you l-lock yourself in your lab for days and b-barely eat or sleep?"

He broke down after releasing his fears, clinging to me with a desperate grip. I rocked him softly, petting the back of his head and murmuring wordless encouragement. By the time his sniffles were dwindling, I had maneuvered him into my lap, cradling him like a child with his arms around my neck. When he finally looked up, his smile was watery but very real.

"I'm sorry."

"If you apologize for this again, I'll beat you with my staff," I threatened playfully, pleased when it pulled a rough chuckle from him. "I've been worried sick about you- and don't take that as an excuse to feel guilty, just accept it and move on."

"I can apologize for worrying you, can't I?"

"...Yes," I nodded. "That's acceptable."

"I'm so relieved." 

His voice held a healthy tint of sarcasm to it, and the knot of tension in my stomach eased. He would be okay now, he was going to heal with us and together we'd move on as a family. Tears of my own pricked at my eyes, residual leftovers from the fear of how easily we could've lost him, or any of us, to our grief. Overwhelmed with relief, I leaned forward and nuzzled his cheek with my nose, my desire to give and receive comfort returning me to our childhood shows of affection. He stiffened slightly at first, but quickly relaxed into the gesture, his arms tightening around my neck.

It shouldn't have surprised me when his mouth found mine; it just _felt_ right, the ultimate expression of our emotional exchange. I could taste salty fear on his tongue, and without questioning myself I poured all my own sorrow and hope into the embrace in an odd attempt to transfer them to my brother. He responded in kind, opening the last of his defenses as he gripped me tightly, trying to meld into my body.

Eventually my brain began hammering through the shared euphoria and I pulled away, gasping for breath. His eyes were impossibly soft as he struggled for air as well, tinged with a hint of uncertainty. I wanted to kiss that away too, but a hand on my cheek stopped my descent. 

"I don't know what all that meant," he said in a quiet tone that sent a shiver skittering across my skin, "but I know I meant it."

Rationally I knew I should offer a counter opinion, facts, or even a protest; but the words stuck in my constricted throat. It was too much information to process at once, and he instinctively understood that.

"Stay in here with me tonight," he offered. "We can talk or simply lay here, but I need you tonight. And tomorrow, and for the rest of our lives."

I was fairly sure the declaration went far beyond the obvious meaning and my heart thudded with excitement. I nodded dumbly, letting him crawl out of my lap and fold me in his strong arms, cuddling under the warm blanket. 

"Whatever this is, we don't have to rush it," I finally managed to say. "But I want it."

He pressed a light kiss to my forehead in response, and we both fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


End file.
